Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
