what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
