i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
