Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
