We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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