bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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