Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
