Where is the hickey?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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