i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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