I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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