My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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