i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
of course. lets lasso hookers.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
