Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
