come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Randomize
