On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I want a musical about memes.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
