So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
