Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
