Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
