So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
