im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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