Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
