FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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