I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
sex in a hospital.. check
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
