don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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