no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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