need another drink. this is the easiest way
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize