she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
