i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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