In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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