My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Can Purell be used as lube?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
