I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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