i need an iv and a liver transplant
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
