You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
