Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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