So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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