O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
