I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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