I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
