well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
