I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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