You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
