he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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