i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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