i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
