Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize