I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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