I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
