you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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