forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
