well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
