Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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