Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The air taste purple.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize