I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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