i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
