SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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