Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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