he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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