Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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