so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
