I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
