is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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