Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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