STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
