I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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