I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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