I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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