you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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