oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
