he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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