Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
