Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
