remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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