I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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