Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
