If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize