1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I pour the whiskey from now on
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