Don't you send me to vm
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
