Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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