I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So much rum. So many feels.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
