I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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