I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
