Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize