What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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