Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
