I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
