Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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