I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
