And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
