Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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