are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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