who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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