I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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