I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
