Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
