We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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