hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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