i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
