swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
