JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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