If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
