Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
