he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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