I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
