just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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