we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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