wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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