When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize