I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize