you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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